It goes without saying that when we establish our own family, we and our spouse will be the ones to establish the rules. However, there are instances when one partner’s family members may wish to impose their own regulations and obstruct the normal flow of events. This is what happened to our heroine today—a woman who is just beginning her own family but has already encountered some threats from her in-laws. She’s not going to keep up with them, though.

The woman was not prepared for the confrontation to occur.

In a recent letter to our editorial, a 27-year-old woman expressed her ire at the unwholesome circumstances her family is currently facing. She disclosed that she believes all of her expectations for her future with her fiancé are falling through. The woman clarified that the thing that irritates her the most about the whole situation is that she is not choosing to follow these utterly ridiculous rules; rather, someone else is dictating them to her.

“My fiancé Eric, 29, and I had been dating for nine years before he finally proposed to me,” the woman wrote. I was ecstatic because I genuinely love him and have been longing for our family to exist. His proposal was a significant turning point in my life, and ever since then, all I could think about was our wedding day and all the preparations involved.

The woman clarified that she was eager to meet Eric’s entire family, her future in-laws, and that it was both obvious and reasonable for her to do so after he proposed to her. «I have met his family, perhaps once or twice, and they have always been very friendly,” the writer wrote. However, because they are all spread out across different parts of the globe, we didn’t get to see them very often. In addition, scheduling a get-together has proven to be very difficult due to everyone’s hectic schedules and disparate time zones. I can therefore state that I hadn’t had a particularly good opportunity to get to know my future in-laws.

The woman’s life completely changed after one family dinner.

The woman continues, “This major argument occurred during our last visit one month ago.” My fiancé and I received an invitation to his parents’ home for a sizable family dinner. I was quite curious about everything, so I asked Eric a lot of questions about his family’s habits, worldviews, and general peculiarities.
I was feeling so good about the idea of growing closer to my future husband’s closest friends and family. Aside from that, Eric and I were preoccupied with starting the wedding planning process and searching for a place to rent and move in together. We planned a trip to his home nation, and we showed up at his parents’ house on the scheduled day.

Everything went smoothly right away. The woman wrote, “We were discussing our future plans with Eric’s parents and the rest of the family while we were having dinner, and both Eric and I mentioned that it’s a really big step in our relationship for us.” After expressing their joy to us, Eric’s brothers and parents asked, “So, is she going to take the test?” out of the blue.

From the beginning, Eric’s family wanted his future wife to follow their customs and obey them.

The woman continues, saying, “I inquired as to what test?” His mother then responded and began to explain to me that their family has a custom in which the future mother-in-law and the future wife go to a hospital and set up a comprehensive examination for the future daughter-in-law.
Naturally, prior to getting married and joining the family, Eric’s mother and aunts underwent the same examination. Among other things, this test involved a gynecologist visit, an expanded blood test, and even a genetic examination.

When the woman learned she would be tested, she was taken aback. In retrospect, Eric, her future spouse, wasn’t meant to pass this “test” prior to their union. Her in-laws demanded that she undergo this medical examination either by herself or with her future mother-in-law; they preferred the latter scenario, in which MIL would have complete control.

«I found it absolutely ridiculous,” the woman wrote. Before Eric and I got engaged, we talked about everything, and medical issues were on the list. To make sure we don’t have any health problems that would prevent us from giving birth to a healthy human being, we were going to do it while we were planning a baby. Now that his entire family was essentially pressuring me to do this, I also had to take the checkup results into consideration. That was too much for me, so I declined and gave my explanation for why I hadn’t wanted to feel obligated to do anything right away.

This was the custom that all the women in the family adhered to, but our heroine didn’t.

The woman clarified, saying, “I found out that before they were married to the men in this family, Eric’s mother and the wives of his three brothers went through the same procedure. I also knew that the other relatives of theirs continued this strange tradition. The reason was straightforward—they wanted to ensure that every woman in their family gave birth to healthy children—but I detested the idea of having no say in the matter. Additionally, Eric’s mother made it plain that they would not support our marriage and would no longer welcome me in their family if I failed this test.

“Now that I said no, Eric’s mom insists that he break up with me and cancel our engagement,” the woman said in closing. At the same time, he is strongly encouraging me to “be a clever woman and to follow their traditions.”

«He insists that it’s done for our benefit, too,” the writer added. My future spouse also thinks that the fact that his parents are really covering the cost of this test might make things more alluring to me. However, the fact that someone pays for it makes me want to resist following orders and doing what I don’t want to. I don’t have anything to conceal from them all; my medical history is clean, and I don’t have any chronic conditions or other problems that could make giving birth difficult. However, I wanted my husband to support me in making the decision I did, particularly since we had previously agreed to have a medical examination, even though that was different from what I’m being asked to do now.

Because, as she puts it, “I don’t want to start a family with a person, who can’t take my side,” the desperate woman now wishes to end her engagement to her fiancé. He was adamant that I had to do that, no matter what, and didn’t even attempt to defend me. I find it intolerable that he is so reliant on his family’s rules in a relationship. Thus, I’m hanging up the phone.

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