It is common for personal beliefs and values to clash with social norms and expectations. An online request for help by a woman caused a heated debate. This story goes into detail about how complicated modern celebrations are and how much pressure society puts on them. Come with us as we try to figure out this complicated problem.

She told what was going on:

The son I have with my husband is our first child together. I am now pregnant with our second child. The venue for the gender reveal has already been booked by my husband and me. We will lose the photographer’s deposit and the money we spent on decorations, etc.

But he’s more worried about how it will affect his reputation because he grew up rich, has a very good job, and has a share in a family business.

Even though we already have a boy that he adores (they can’t do anything wrong in each other’s eyes; my son always had all the best clothes, toys, and activities given to him by his dad), I can tell that he really wants our second child, who we expect to be our last, to be a boy.

I planned this reveal with the idea that being disappointed about the gender wasn’t a big deal, but I’ve learned that there are two kinds of disappointment: wanting a son and wanting a daughter even more than wanting another son. My husband is in the second group.

We didn’t reveal the gender of our first child because my husband kept putting off telling the doctor when and if he wanted to hear it. He told us he was excited about having a son less than a month before he gave birth.

But it’s not all his fault. His older dad was always bossy with his mom when he was a kid. At the time, their town was mostly made up of factories, and his dad threatened the jobs of her family.

His demons are back now. He finally agreed that I could find out the baby’s gender without telling him. That’s when I learned we were having a girl. When I got home, I guess I didn’t have a good poker face for his bad mood.

He says he doesn’t know the baby’s gender because I didn’t tell him directly, but he knows for sure. I’d be okay with a reveal where the guests are the ones who are surprised, but my husband is becoming more distant every day, and he’s not the type to fake happiness. When he’s really upset, he often tries to leave and take me with him.

It was my choice to pull the plug. To say it again, he’s not mad about the money. He’s mad that we’re hurting our family and friends and that this might make people think badly of him. I stood my ground.

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