A 32-year-old woman who is seeing a married man wrote us an honest letter. It was clear that hearing what she said hurt her. The woman wanted to know what our readers thought about her very tricky situation. What she’s going through is tough, and she doesn’t think she can handle it all by herself. She feels lost in her life, which became a mess after she had her baby.
Sandra wrote an honest letter, so here is her story:
She wrote, “A few years ago, I slept with a married man.” His age is 42, and he’s been married for 20 years before we met. When we met and fell in love, I had no idea he was married. I obviously looked him up on social media, and while he did have pictures of his kids, there was nothing about or pictures of a wife.
About a month after we started dating, I found out that he was married. But he told me it was only a legal marriage and that he and his wife lived separate lives. They chose to stay married until their kids are older. Their family owned a business that his wife ran while he only helped with the money.
From the beginning, the relationship looked great.
Sandra wrote, “At the time, I knew I probably shouldn’t believe him, but I was sure it was true.” I was crazy about him and I think I was almost in love with him. I felt great after talking to him. Now I know I should have stopped right away, but I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I loved how much attention he gave me, how great our relationship was, and where he would take me. I felt unique. I was so gullible.
About a year after I started seeing him, I got pregnant. I always did what I could to avoid getting pregnant, but when I was with him, I did make some stupid mistakes. I loved this guy so much it hurts like hell. What he told me to do. I would agree to almost anything, even if I thought it was a bad idea.
“I was in love with him, or I thought I was,” the woman said. I really wanted to get pregnant right away. I had dreams about being married to him and having a family, and I wanted him to end his relationship with his real wife. I lied about getting pregnant so that he would leave her for me. I wanted us to be a real, normal couple.
The woman did not expect the man to react the way he did.
Sandra wrote, “I couldn’t believe how happy I was to be pregnant with my SO’s child.” I really wanted that child. It meant a lot to me to have a son or daughter with the man I loved, and I thought he would feel the same way.
The woman said, “I told him the good news with joy, but he started telling me right away that I couldn’t keep the baby.” I was shocked and devastated by his response. It hurt me deeply that he didn’t feel the same way I did. He said he didn’t want any more children and that he couldn’t be a dad to another child while he and his wife were still acting like they were happy together.
Sandra admitted, “I act like I agreed to do what he asked, and we even planned a nice weekend.” That night, I was all packed up for when he picked me up, but I began to feel very scared and unsafe about the whole thing. Because I couldn’t go with him, I took my bag and hid in a hotel. I texted him that I would never talk to him again and that if he promised to leave me alone, I wouldn’t name him as the father or ask for child support.
Not only were all hopes dashed, but there was more.
Sandra wrote, “My SO tried to get me to do what he wanted at first by being nice.” He told me some mean things and told me I couldn’t even go to his door when I didn’t agree. I now have a 2-year-old. It’s been hard for me at times, but overall we’re doing great. I kept my promise not to name this man as the father or ask for child support.
Sandra told me, “His wife just recently contacted me on Facebook.” She is now officially no longer married to him. She called me to talk. She learned about me and told me she split up with him eight months ago. She wanted her kids to get to know her sister and for my little girl to get to know her siblings. “That seems really strange to me.”
There’s nothing the woman can do. “I haven’t replied to her yet,” she wrote. I am not sure how to go about this. How should I answer this? If his ex is telling the truth, I wonder if I’m being selfish by not even trying to find a way for my child to meet her siblings. This is how she feels. If I were married and my husband had a child with someone else, I wouldn’t feel the same way. What should I do?“
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