Finding out that someone we care about has broken our trust can destroy our confidence and sense of self-worth. In the letter below, we hear about the moving story of a woman whose confidence fell apart when she heard her husband’s confession in therapy. This news not only changed how she felt about their relationship, but it also made her think about who she is and her future with him.

“Hi,

I found text messages between my husband and his ex-girlfriend on his tablet a year ago. They were flirting and making out, so I decided to find out more.

When I told him about it, he admitted that he had an affair with his ex-girlfriend while I was pregnant and that it continued after I gave birth while I was having postpartum problems. He said that this doesn’t make up for what he did and that he feels bad about it. He said he was sorry a lot, and we decided to start therapy together and separately to try to work through it.

After that, I chose to believe that he was sorry and that he loved me. Things seemed calmer after that.

When he is working alone, though, I’m waiting in the next room when I hear something that really shocks me. It’s true that my husband never thought I was physically attractive, not at the start of our relationship and never again. He only got involved with me to fill the void left by his ex. Then he tells me straight out that even though we became emotionally close, there was no physical attraction between us.

This news hit me hard, especially since I had gone to great lengths to improve my looks for him after giving birth, including getting painful liposuction and breast implants, even though he had told me before that my looks didn’t matter to him. When he told me that, I realized that he had never been physically interested in me, which is why my looks “didn’t matter to him.”

Between cheating on me and telling me the truth, he broke my confidence. I find him disgusting, and I’m always afraid that he’ll start having an affair again, seeing me as a weak and needy wife.

I’m falling deeper and deeper into depression every week, and therapy doesn’t seem to help. I don’t know what to do. Things in my marriage seem to be getting worse. How do people get their confidence back after telling someone something so hurtful? What should I do next?

Sincerely,
Laura”

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