Weddings are usually happy times, but they can also be tense, and mothers-in-law are often to blame. A newlywed named Lara recently went online to get help and support after something very upsetting happened at her wedding. Lara had to keep her own mother from the party because her mother-in-law didn’t want her mom to come.
The letter she sent us:
“From the time I was a baby, my adoptive family took care of me. I had a stable childhood, but two years ago, Clara, my biological mother, came back into my life. At first, it was hard for me to forgive her for not hearing from me in years, but as she told me her story, I could relate. She chose to give me up for adoption because she was young, single, and didn’t have the resources to raise a child. She is a modest woman who doesn’t have a college degree or much money. Still, I enjoyed having her in my life and felt lucky to have two mothers.
Along the same lines, I’ve been seeing my now-husband for four years. Like my adoptive family, he comes from a wealthy background. My mother-in-law wasn’t happy when my biological mother came back into my life.
My MIL always looked down on her and kept her out of family events because she didn’t think she belonged with us. My mother-in-law paid for our whole wedding, but with one condition: Mama Clara couldn’t go to the fancy event. I felt terrible. Not only did I really want her to be there, but I also didn’t want to risk making things more difficult with my in-laws.
I convinced myself by telling myself, “My birth mom didn’t show up to any of my important events as a child, so it should be fine for her to miss this one too.” When I told her what I had decided, she just nodded.
As I got ready to walk to the altar on the big day, someone tapped me on the back and gave me a letter. When I turned around, Mama Clara was waving from a parked taxi. When the ceremonial music started, though, I couldn’t talk to her, so I just walked in.
I read her touching letter right after the ceremony. In it, she talked about how she had always wanted to meet me and how sad she was that she couldn’t be there for such an important event. She wrote that she understood my situation and had chosen to leave my life because she didn’t want to be a source of shame or trouble…
Since then, I haven’t been able to call her or visit her apartment. Now I’m dealing with the pain of losing her again. I know I’ve hurt you, and I don’t know how to fix our relationship. I need to fix things but I don’t know how.
Sincerely,
Lara”
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