One father’s initial excitement about becoming a parent started to fade as the days went by. Now he has to deal with problems and doubts that came up out of the blue, which are putting the couple’s decision to stay together to the test.
She told us what happened.
I’m a neurologist (36F), and I love my job and my patients so much. There is no greater honor in my life than being able to help other people. It wasn’t easy to get my medical degree. I was turned down a lot of times.
I had a lot of problems in high school, and I didn’t get into any colleges my senior year. I had to start at the bottom and work my way up by taking remedial classes at the community college near me. I was so happy when I finally got into medical school when I was 26.
My husband (37M) and I have been married for four years. We met in my third year of medical school. I make three times what my husband makes in marketing. I told him right from the start of our relationship that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to have biological children. My dream has always been to adopt a child from foster care, and my husband seemed to get it.
But after his best friend had a baby boy last year, he really pushed me to have kids. Because I was just starting out in my career, I was against this idea at first. I wanted to wait a few more years before talking about kids again. I found out I was pregnant out of the blue in August of last year.
At first, I was thinking about having an abortion, but after a lot of deep talks with my husband, we decided to keep the baby. He would quit his job and stay home with our daughter until she was old enough to start preschool.
There were a few reasons why we chose for him to stay home with our daughter:
– Since I make a lot more money than he does, it made more sense from a financial point of view.
– I have been an attending doctor for only a few years now. I just started working as a doctor on my own after four years of medical school and a four-year residency. My husband has been in his job for fifteen years.
—I made it very clear that I had NO desire to stay home and be a housewife. I admire moms who stay at home with their kids, but my job is my life, and I’d go crazy if I was stuck at home all day. I have no desire for this way of life at all.
Our daughter is 9 weeks old today, and I’m getting ready to go back to work in a few weeks. This past weekend, I went to a medical conference out of state and left my husband to watch our daughter by himself. It was great at the conference, but when I got home, my husband started acting strange.
When our daughter was taking a nap today, I asked him what was wrong. He said he doesn’t think he can do this and broke down in tears. All weekend, he talked about how trapped, alone, and stressed he felt. These days, he wants me to keep my maternity leave longer and talks about trying to get his job back.
I was scared and asked, “What are we going to do with our daughter now?” In response, he told me I should quit my job and work from home. I told him no way, and he suggested daycare.
I lost it and yelled, “I would have NEVER had your child if I knew you were going to break your promise to take care of our daughter.”
I know I was way too angry, and I love our daughter so much that I would never trade her for anything. But I’m so mad at my husband that I don’t know what to do next.
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