When we have to make a quick, emotional choice, even the most sure of ourselves can feel the weight of guilt and doubt. This is what our reader went through when her birth mother, whom she had never met, came to her door and asked for help. Following a tough decision that made her feel bad, she is now seeking advice on whether she made the correct choice.

Her real mother left her right after she was born.

“My real mother got pregnant when she was only 23.” After she told him she was having a baby, her boyfriend broke up with her right away. I was given up as soon as I was born because she thought having a child without being married would make it impossible for her to get married and start what she called a “real family.”

The people who adopted me were wonderful and loving, and they gave me all the care and support a child could need. My adoptive mom told me the truth about my birth parents, which made me want to get in touch with my birth mother. One day, I called her to set up a time to meet and get to know each other. She said she already had kids and that I had an adoptive mom, so she said we should just leave things alone.

After 30 years, her mother changed her mind and showed up at Amelia’s door.

“She showed up on my door alone and homeless when I was 30 years old.” It was hard for me to believe that the weak woman in front of me, holding a torn bag, was the same person who had given me away.

Now look at her—her eyes were tired and she begged. She said to Amelia, “I know this is a lot to ask, but I have no one else.” Her voice cracked. “I’ve lost everything.”

“I stood there and tried to figure out what was going on.” The woman who had given up me in the past to start a new life now had nowhere else to turn. A lot of different feelings were going through my head: anger, confusion, and a reluctant sense of duty.

In her darkest hour, the woman thought of her daughter, whom she had left behind.
“‘Why are you here?’ I finally asked, but my tone was colder than I meant it to be.”

“She took a deep breath and looked down at the ground.” She said in a soft voice, “My other children, but they’ve all left.” They don’t want to help me anymore. I thought that if I could find you, you might get it.

“What she said hurt me a lot.” The thought of siblings who had turned their backs on her made my already complicated feelings even worse. She went on, “I know I wasn’t there for you, but please help me. I’m desperate.” “I have nowhere else to go.”

Amelia couldn’t help but wonder why her mom had left her the first time.
“I made her a cup of tea and let her in, more out of shock than sympathy.” We did not look at each other in the small living room of my apartment.

“‘Why did you leave me?’ I finally asked because I wanted to know her point of view.

She had shaking hands as she held the hot cup. “I was young, scared, and by myself.” It seemed like the right thing to do for both of us. A stable family was important to me, and I didn’t think a man would want to marry a woman who already had a child from another relationship. You would have a better chance if you lived with a family that could give you everything I couldn’t.

“Did you?” I asked with a sharp tone in my voice. What kind of family did you get?

“Tears filled her eyes.” ‘Yes, for a while. Things didn’t go the way I had hoped after I got married and had kids. I lost everything when my husband left.

It was hard for Amelia to decide whether to help her mother or not.

“The sadness on her face made me feel better, but it didn’t help me much.” What do you hope I’ll do when you come to me now? “Take care of yourself, because you have nowhere else to go.””

“She nodded, and her eyes were filled with pity.” “I know I don’t deserve it.” I know it’s not okay to ask, but I don’t know what else to do.

“I looked at her. She was a stranger to me but also a part of me.” I felt hurt and angry at the same time that I wanted to help. I thought about my parents, who had raised me and given me everything. I wanted to know what they would want me to do.

I finally told her, “Stay here tonight.” “Let’s talk more in the morning.”

“As I lay in bed that night, I couldn’t help but think about my family and the family I had never met.” The woman in the next room made a choice that changed our lives, and now, years later, she was asking me for help.

Amelia felt bad about what she did and couldn’t get rid of the guilt she felt.

„As we sat across from each other at breakfast in the morning, I chose to throw her a lifeline. To keep myself safe, I can’t let her stay in my house. I’d give her money, help her find a place to stay, and help her get back on her feet. No matter what kind of relationship we have, it will take time and work from both of us.

“She looked at me with thanks and shame in her eyes.” She said, “Thank you,” but her voice was almost a whisper. “I know it’s hard, and I don’t deserve your help.”

“I know what I want to do, but I can’t get rid of the guilt of not letting her stay at my house.” To make up for lost time, she offered to help with anything around the house, like cooking and cleaning. She wanted to know about my past. She mostly seems lonely and eager to get back in touch with me. But I can’t get rid of the thought that she left me and only came back when she needed help. Tell me what you think about what I did and whether I did the right thing.

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