As Teressa learned at her sister-in-law’s fancy wedding, you have to give up your own comfort to look “appropriate.” Even her husband, who was usually very helpful, took sides with her in-laws, which made her feel alone and lonely. Teressa looked online for advice because she wasn’t sure if she handled the tense family situation correctly.

“Hey,

I have always had to find ways to deal with the fact that my breasts are very big, and wearing bras often gives me a lot of back pain. This is why I choose to wear clothes that are too big on me instead. My sister-in-law recently got married, and I wore a modest dress and didn’t wear a bra so I could enjoy the night without being uncomfortable.

But when I got to the wedding, my sister-in-law got very angry and said I was trying to draw attention away from her. She said I messed up her big day. This situation got even worse when my mother-in-law got mad and told me I had to leave or go back to the hotel and change into something better. She told me I didn’t look right. It was okay for me to stand my ground and refuse to be in pain all night.

During our fight, my husband, who is usually there for me, took his mother’s side, which surprised me. I couldn’t believe what I saw when we got back to our hotel room after the wedding. All of my things were packed when I got there. My husband told me he did this to keep things from getting worse and to calm down the family. That night, we left the hotel and missed the rest of the wedding and family time.

It was very quiet and tense on the way home. My mother-in-law called the next day to tell me I needed to say sorry to my sister-in-law for going through a bad wedding. Because I didn’t do what she asked, she said I caused stress and took away from her daughter’s special day.

I’m feeling confused and torn right now. Did I do something wrong when I put my comfort ahead of what my family wanted? I still don’t know if what I did was reasonable or if I handled the situation badly.

I really feel like I need some help.

Thank you, Teressa”

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