Sarah had no idea she would be in this situation, but she needs help. She feels like the bad guy in her own home and isn’t sure if what she’s doing is right or wrong. She asked our team for advice to make sure she was going in the right direction. This is her story.

Sarah gave her stepdaughter some rules to follow to keep the house healthy.

is married to a great man named Mark and has a daughter named Emma who is 16 years old from when he was married before. For the past six months, Emma has lived with them full-time. Sarah wanted to get to know Emma better at first, but things didn’t go the way she thought they would. Emma is a smart and stubborn teenager, and they have argued about a number of things, mostly about house rules.

Sarah wrote, “Right from the start, I had some goals for our family.” I think it’s important to keep things organized and set clear rules so that everyone can get along. Follow these rules:

1. Chores: Everyone has things they need to do. Emma had to do things like clean her room, do her laundry, and help with the trash and dishes.

2. Sunset: Kids have to go to bed at 10 PM on school nights. She could only stay up until midnight on the weekends.

3. Screen Time: No laptops or phones at the dinner table, and on school nights, no more than two hours of screen time for fun.

4. Respectful Communication: We don’t allow yelling, calling people names, or using rude language in the house.

Emma never had to follow any rules when she lived with her mother before.

Emma was used to a less strict environment at her mom’s house, so she fought Sarah’s rules right away. At first, it was small things, like not doing her chores or leaving dirty dishes in the sink. Sarah tried to talk to her calmly and tell her how important these rules were for everyone’s health, but Emma would only nod and barely follow them.

The curfew was the start of the real problems. Emma often texted or looked at social media after midnight on school nights. This made her feel bad and hurt her schoolwork. Emma didn’t want to go to bed at 10 PM like Sarah wanted her to. She said it wasn’t fair that all her friends stayed up later.

She blew up.
Then there was the matter of screen time. “Emma was always on her phone,” Sarah wrote. Even though she was told over and over to put it away, she kept bringing it to the dinner table. It was a tough night, so I told her to put down her phone during dinner. Emma got angry and yelled, “You’re not my mom!” “You have no right to tell me what to do!”

This was the last straw for Sarah. She felt put down and disrespected. Mark wasn’t sure what to think when she told him about it. Even though he didn’t like seeing Emma upset, he knew how important rules were. He often agreed with Emma, which made it hard for Sarah to consistently enforce the rules.

Sarah chose to give Emma a choice.

After yet another fight about chores and bedtime, Sarah sat down with Emma one night. She said these rules were not up for discussion in a calm but firm way. They would have to rethink Emma’s living situation if she couldn’t follow them. “Fine, maybe I should just go back to Mom’s then!” Emma snapped back with a mean look.

Sarah didn’t want things to get this bad, but she also couldn’t keep living with people who didn’t follow the rules. She told her that maybe she should spend more time with her mom until they could all figure things out.

Emma made a quick choice.
She got ready and went to spend the night with her mom. They tried to get in touch with her through her mother, but Emma was adamant and wouldn’t talk to Sarah, saying that she couldn’t go back.

Sarah couldn’t guarantee her daughter’s safety, which made her mother very angry. She said they needed to talk about a different plan. Mark was obviously stressed out the whole time because he felt torn between his daughter and his wife.

Sarah doubts herself and is lost right now.

Mark was heartbroken and told Sarah she was being too harsh. She was both sorry for herself and relieved because the constant stress had been too much for her.

Now Sarah isn’t sure if the choice she made was the right one. She wants to have a good relationship with Emma, but she also thinks their home should have rules and be treated with respect. Has anyone else had a similar experience? How do you keep your relationships with your stepchildren while still following the rules?

Watch more below…