When parents can’t agree on anything, getting a divorce might seem like the best way to keep the kids out of the fight. A lot of people stop talking to their ex-partners, but some stay friends with them. This mother has kept good relations with her ex-husband, but now she feels that his expectations are too high, so she goes online to get help without giving her name.

Being a co-parent is hard for this woman, and she told the online community about it.

“My ex-husband (40M) and I (35F) have two kids together, ages 12 and 11M.” I think he became a worse husband and father during my second pregnancy, and he was even worse when our younger son was born. That’s why we got a divorce about 10 years ago. It looked like he was in high school, college, or his 20s and not married with kids. He was with his friends more than we were. His friends also thought of me as his mom and expected me to pick him up from their homes when they had to go do something.

He fought for half of our kids’ custody, but he didn’t get it. For the first two or three years, he had them every other weekend, for two weeks in the summer, and on alternate holidays. He became more involved, and in the end, he did get half of the custody. That’s when I found out he got someone pregnant, and he knew he needed to get his life together since he had three kids.

“He got full custody of his third child in the end.” After that, he met his wife. They now have two kids together. Her life also includes two more children, but I don’t think they are her real children. She also helps pay for them. Even though those two kids don’t live with them, it looks like she or they buy things for them.

Things got better between my ex and I, but then his marriage hit a rough patch. As things in his marriage got worse, he started to treat me like a co-parent to all of his kids. When we were exchanging custody, he would bring his other kids with him and expect me to play with them. Then he asked me to watch his kids while he and his wife went out, but I never did. Then someone said that our boys’ old clothes at my house were being sent to his house for his other kids and that we needed to make sure they had enough clothes.

“I told him that wasn’t a “we,” and he said, “Of course it is, we’re co-parents.” I told him about our two kids, but not about his other kids. It was an offer for me to have his kids over or take them to eat with my kids and me. Finally, it’s become crazy because it’s back to school time.

He told me I hadn’t bought nearly enough for everyone even though I bought things for the boys. He explained that the things I bought couldn’t be shared equally among all five of my children when I asked what that meant. I told him we only have two kids, not five like he thought. That’s who I bought those for. I told him that I was in charge of our kids, not his three other kids. I told him that his wife and two of those kids live with them, so it’s up to them.

He told me that I knew they didn’t have much money, but that didn’t make his kids my problem. I cut him off and told him that. He told me I couldn’t possibly care for only two of them since we also live with the other five kids half the time. He told me I should be a part of the community to help raise these kids and that sitting back like I do is so damn cold.

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