There are two things my mother-in-law needs to do before she can borrow money from me.
Getting family members to borrow money can be touchy, and it can often cause problems in relationships. Bianca, wanted to help her mother-in-law with money but also had to watch out for her own family’s money. She didn’t know how to balance them both, so she asked people on the internet for help getting through this tough situation.

Hello,
I’m a stay-at-home wife, and my husband works two jobs to support our family.
Our financial situation hasn’t been great, and we need to save more for our son’s college. A few years ago, my MIL helped us buy our home, but now she’s having some financial difficulties. She asked my husband to lend her $2,500, but I told him I would only agree if two conditions were met.
First, my MIL must write down the amount and sign an agreement confirming when she can return the money. Since this is a significant amount for us, I need some reassurance that we’ll eventually get it back. Second, if she can’t return the full amount, she would need to help us around the house with some chores to ease our burden. I’m pretty sure my requests were reasonable, given our situation, but my MIL took offense and said she felt insulted. My husband also thinks that I’m being unfair, saying that without his mom’s help, we wouldn’t have been able to buy our house in the first place. I don’t want to come off as ungrateful, but at the same time, I’m just trying to ensure that we’re protecting our financial stability.
This whole situation has caused quite a bit of tension, and I’m not sure what to do from here. I want to avoid any further conflicts in the family, but I also believe my concerns are valid. I could really use some advice on how to handle this tricky situation.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Bianca

Advices people are giving: Hey Bianca, we hear you, and we’re glad you told us your story. Families often fight over money, so it’s important to be careful how you handle this case. We hope that the tips we’ve given will help you keep your relationship with your MIL strong while protecting your family’s finances.

Thank her for the help she’s given you in the past.

When you talk to your MIL, take a moment to thank her for all the help she has given you in the past, especially when she helped you buy your house. Tell her you know how important she is to getting your family a safe place to live and to you.

It’s important to let her know that the loan terms are not meant to ignore how kind she has been in the past. Instead, they’re meant to protect the future funds of your family. By making these rules, you’re trying to keep your family and hers from having to deal with any future financial problems. This will keep everyone safe.

Have an honest talk.
You should plan to have an open and honest talk about money with both your husband and your mother-in-law. Make it clear that you are worried and that your main goal is to protect the financial security of your family. So that everyone’s needs and expectations are met, ask your MIL to share her ideas as well. You’re more likely to find an answer that works for everyone if you all work together as a family. It will also help you bond stronger.

Offer a way to pay back the debt.

If your MIL can’t pay back the whole amount at once, you might want to sit down and work out a reasonable payment plan based on how much money she has now. Talk about the idea of splitting the payment into smaller, more manageable chunks over a certain amount of time. We can all agree on something fair and useful this way. This will not only protect your financial security, but it will also show your MIL that you understand and support her while keeping the process polite and organized.

Take out a smaller loan.
If you think $2,500 is too much to borrow, you could offer a smaller loan that won’t put too much strain on your finances. You can still help your MIL this way, without putting your family’s finances at risk. Offer a loan amount that you can comfortably handle and explain why it’s important to keep it that way. You can help and make sure that both your family and your MIL’s needs are met in the long term by offering a smaller loan.

Help them in ways other than money.

If giving money isn’t the best choice, think about other ways to help that don’t involve money. You can do things like food shopping and planning meals with your MIL, or you can even help her make a better budget. You could go shopping with her, look for deals, or help her figure out where she can cut back on spending that isn’t necessary. This kind of help can make her financial stress a lot less, and it lets you help her without giving her money directly.

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