Managing your ties with your stepchildren can be hard. Astrid thought she was being good by not giving her stepdaughter money, even though she did give her son money every week. She planned to teach her niece how to be responsible. But now she’s having second thoughts about her choice and wants to feel better about it.

Here’s her message:

Hello! My husband’s teenage daughter from his previous marriage lives with us, and things have gotten a little complicated. Since I make much more money than her dad, she often asks me for pocket money and to buy her trendy clothes, cosmetics, gadgets, and even exotic fruits-basically, all the stuff her friends at school have. She didn’t have many options when living with her dad, but now that she’s in my beautiful big home, she wants more stuff. I never give her money directly. Instead, her dad and I make sure she has nice, modest clothes and enough food, but we don’t go all out on luxuries. She says I’m being unfair because I give my son from my previous marriage a weekly allowance. She thinks I don’t love her as much as I love him. But honestly, I have my reasons. First, my parents raised me very strictly. They had money, but they never spoiled me. It taught me to be responsible and self-reliant, and I want to pass those values on to my son and stepdaughter.

Secondly, my son earns his allowance by pitching in around the house. He does chores like helping in the garden or caring for everyone’s laundry. By the end of the week, he’s earned a substantial sum, which is quite significant for a teenager. I want my stepdaughter to learn the same lesson. It’s not about being unfair or withholding love-it’s about teaching her valuable life skills that will benefit her in the long run. Lately, things are getting more tense in our family. She keeps accusing me of favoritism, and it’s starting to cause a lot of stress. My husband supports me in not giving in to her demands, but he also worries that I might be too strict with her. I’m feeling pretty conflicted about how to handle this. I don’t want my stepdaughter to feel unloved or left out, but at the same time, I don’t want to compromise my principles. Honestly, I’m not entirely sure how to handle things with a teenage girl, and I’m starting to feel like I could really use some advice. Sincerely, Astrid

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