It can be hard to figure out how to connect with other people, especially when friendship and marriage come together. A woman recently talked about her problems and how her husband didn’t want her to help her best friend and even made a painful threat. She went online and wrote a letter about how she felt, asking for help to solve this tricky problem.

“Hey,

My name is Sarah and I’m 25 years old. I’ve been married to David for a year now. My best friend Tania has been there for me for as long as I can remember. She’s like the sister I never had, and we pretty much grew up together. Tania got married to her college sweetheart right after graduation, but they’ve had a hard time getting pregnant. After many tests and painful procedures, she finally realized that her uterus isn’t working right, even though her eggs are healthy. This meant that surrogacy was her only option.

When Tania recently told me this, I offered to carry the baby she and her husband are having through IVF.

I went with her to see her gynecologist last week and got the all-clear after a thorough exam and question-and-answer session. This meant that I could carry the baby without any problems.

Last night, in the middle of everything, my husband brought up the idea of starting a family. We promised each other that we would wait three to four years until we were financially stable and had our own home before having kids. For this reason, I finally told him, “I promised to be a surrogate for Tania, and I can’t break that promise.” He was shocked. “When were you going to tell me about this?” he asked. Since I’m your husband, I should be able to have a say in this.

I told them what was going on and said, “This is my body, so I get to choose.” That’s why I didn’t think it was necessary to ask for your permission. In response, he became angry and asked, “What do you mean?” You can’t agree to carry someone else’s baby without first talking to me. We should all make this choice together. When there was a moment of silence, he suddenly made a threat that caught me off guard: “Then I can also choose not to be involved, or maybe not be a part of your life at all.”

I can kind of see why this would not be an easy choice for most husbands to make. Still, because we are so close, I feel a strong duty to help my friend. His threat of divorce, on the other hand, makes me wonder if I should have talked to him first. I would appreciate your advice on how to handle this situation.

Sincerely,
Sarah”

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