A woman named Sofia talked about how worried she was about her finances with her husband. She can’t believe how he reacted when she made a suggestion about their family budget that seemed harmless. The woman feels bad that she even brought up this subject with her husband because it made him angry and anxious. On the other hand, she’s sick of how things work in their family and having to pay for everything herself. All she wants is fairness.
Sofia truly thinks that her family’s financial situation is not fair.
In a very emotional letter, Sofia, who is 40 years old, told her husband everything that was going on in her complicated life right now. The desperate woman can’t get away from her husband and doesn’t mean to hurt anyone, but their life together is unbearable now that she asked him a question that hurt him a lot.
“I’m 40 years old, and my husband Robert is 41. We’ve been married for two years,” the woman began her letter. Things are very tense in our family. My husband and I make the same amount of money. He makes good money, a lot more than most people.
There’s no way I’m cheap because I’m saving a lot. Even though I love my nice things, I still have an emergency fund, a holiday fund, a medical fund for our cats, and a fund for when I need to spend a lot of money. I take care of things like making major changes to your teeth or remodeling your house. I also put some money in.
Robert thinks about money in a different way.
“On the contrary, my husband seems to burn through his money,” the woman says next in her story. We always say, “Lend me this or that.” We each have our own budget, which is how my family has always done things.
Someone else should pay for the groceries, but I don’t mind. Robert cooks, cleans, and does most of the housework. But not long ago, I suggested that we split the bills since they went up when he moved in. I can’t save as much as I could before we got married.
Sofia admitted, “I did think people would react normally to this idea.” That Robert would be so open to an idea that would work for most progressive families was something I never thought would happen. I was shocked by how he responded.
Sofia talked about how she felt about Robert’s behavior.
As the woman continues her story, she says, “Robert was really mad about my idea.” It looked like he took it as an offense against himself. He did look very upset and hurt. When I bring that up again, he gets angry, and I’m sure it’s not because he doesn’t make enough money, but because of how much he spends.
This is just an example. Because we have different budgets, we pay for our own trips and other stuff separately. But when I come back from vacation knowing I have enough money to last until my next paycheck, he has nothing at all. So, I have to pay for everything that has to do with our house, and Robert doesn’t have to worry about anything.
Sofia said, “I feel like this is unfair and this situation makes me really sad.” Someone who expects me to pay for everything and gets angry or sad whenever I bring up an uncomfortable subject is someone I can’t live with.
Sofia does everything she can, but it doesn’t help.
“I beg him to take a class in money management (I have three good ones taped, won’t cost him a dime),” the woman said. Robert gets angry with me and tells me he doesn’t need my stupid advice because he’s an adult. I got him to pay for life insurance because he likes to do dangerous things, but he won’t change any of his other spending habits. He’s been talking about us breaking up and even getting a divorce lately. Our family is really falling apart because of this problem.
Sofia wrote to our readers and asked, “Am I wrong about this?” Should I leave him alone? He says I don’t understand because I make so much money, but I know families with kids who live on half of his salary, and we don’t have any kids. What should I do?“
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