Parents often say they love their kids so much and that having them fills a void they didn’t even know existed. But having kids can also put stress on a couple’s relationship and change it in many ways. A man recently sent us a heartfelt letter in which he talked about how the birth of his child caused his marriage to end.

If the man had never had kids, his life would have been very different.

Adam, who is 38 years old, wrote to our editors to share his touching family story and to share his deep thoughts and regrets about the problems he had to deal with. In his letter, Adam honestly said that he now knows what he did was wrong, but in the past he didn’t see the results of his actions.

At the start of his letter, he said, “I’m not asking for sympathy or understanding from you or your readers.” I don’t think I’ll get either. I have to tell my story, though, so that other men in similar situations might stop and think about what they’re doing, like I wish I had.

Adam talked about his relationship with his ex-wife Joleen. He said, “My ex-wife Joleen and I were overjoyed when we found out she was pregnant with our son after having trouble getting pregnant.” Before she finally got pregnant, Joleen went through a lot of medical treatments. I was so happy to hear the news, and Joleen was feeling the same way. She was always someone I thought would be a great mother, and I never got tired of telling her that. But things changed quickly between us after our son was born.

The married couple was getting more and more angry with each other.

Adam went on to talk about his experiences, stating that even though they had been looking forward to having a son for a long time and loved him very much, the journey of becoming parents was not smooth from the start.

“As soon as our baby was born, our marriage started to fall apart,” he said. Joleen was always telling me I wasn’t helping out enough with the kids and housework. But she never made her expectations clear, so I had to figure out how to do my job without any help. It was getting annoying.

Adam told her, “Our relationship got tense.” It was common for us to fight over small things, and the constant stress made us both feel bad. I finally took it out on Joleen by telling her that her life might be easier without me.

Adam thought about Joleen’s unexpected response and said, “Instead of getting angry, Joleen went silent and calmly said that she couldn’t take the argument any longer.” It was the start of the end for us, and soon after, we started the divorce process.

The two are now living separate lives, but Adam doesn’t like how things are set up.

Adam said, “Now we all have our own place.” The law says that both of us can spend time with our son, unless one of us can show that the other is ignoring him. We haven’t had any problems like that yet, so our lawyers suggested that we split custody and take turns spending the week with the kids. For the past few months, that’s what we’ve been doing every day.

Adam said, “I underestimated how hard it would be” when he talked about his experiences as a single parent. Being with my son all week makes it hard to keep up with everything else. I’m always tired and it seems like I can’t even keep my head above water. I’m catching up on all the things I didn’t get done while I was taking care of him during the weeks when he’s with his mom. My house is a mess, and I’m barely getting my chores and errands done.

Adam continued to talk about his hopes for getting back together, saying, “At first, I thought maybe the fact that we both had to raise kids by ourselves would bring us back together.” I hoped that we could fix our problems and get back together. That’s not what my wife wants, though. She is sure that life is better without me.

Adam saw that his ex-wife seems to be having a good time without him.

“According to Joleen, she’s the exact opposite of me,” Adam admitted. She says she isn’t as tired anymore and that everything is fine. She says her life is much easier now that she only has to take care of herself and our son.

Adam admitted, “I know I messed up.” He then thought about what he had done. I ought to have been a better husband. After trying to find a good balance between equal custody and stress, I’ve decided to talk to my lawyer about making a change. Though it’s not an easy choice, I believe it may be the best thing for everyone.

“I told my lawyer that I want to opt out of equal custody and start paying child support instead,” he said. It wasn’t an easy choice, but I believe it’s the best thing for our son and for my own health. I also told Joleen about it. Her reaction at first was surprise, but I think she gets it now. She agreed to meet with me and our lawyers to work out the details.

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