Tensions often happen in families when things get complicated, especially when it comes to child care. One common source of conflict is when grandparents are expected to watch the grandchildren.

She told us what happened.

My son and daughter-in-law have been married for seven years and have two children together. My husband and I are both still working, but we’re looking forward to retiring in 10–15 years, when we’ll be 70 years old. All of our children are grown up and living on their own.

Before that, I got along better with my daughter-in-law than with my grandchildren. They live 30 minutes away, and she tries to drop the kids off with me a lot. When we first talked, I thought my son knew about this, but it turned out he didn’t. I showed him all the texts asking me to babysit, and he was shocked to learn that I had done it 16 times in a month. He thought it had only happened twice. She left the kids with me to go out with friends, but my son thought she was taking them with her.

To make sure we could all understand each other, I started using a group chat with both of them and only answered her requests there. If she sent me too many texts, I would share screenshots in a group chat so my son could look at them and tell her to stop.

As we talked about what was going on, she said she wanted her children to have a close relationship with their grandparents like she did. I told her that since I was still working, I couldn’t promise to babysit every other day like her grandparents did. We agreed that every two weeks would be “grandma’s day.”

This arrangement worked for about a year, but since my son now has to travel for work, the problem came up again. Because of the time difference, it’s hard for him to step in quickly. She recently showed up at my house out of the blue and asked me to watch the kids while she went shopping. When I had had enough, I told her I had my own life and wouldn’t be the typical grandmother she thought I would be. I told her that I would call the police if she left the kids with me again without my permission.

She yelled at me and stormed off. Later, my son called to try to make things better and tell me I might have gone too far.

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