Today we’ll talk about a tough moral problem that our reader Ethan sent us. He has to choose between his marriage and his morals because his wife is covering for her best friend’s affair. His ultimatum to his wife didn’t work out as planned, which makes him think about what he did. Think about what you would do if you were Ethan as you read. Where do we draw the line between being friends and doing the right thing?

“I’ve been married to Sarah for eight years.” Our friendship has always been strong because we trust and respect each other. At least that’s what I thought until not long ago.

For six months now, Melissa, my wife’s best friend, has been seeing someone else with her husband Tom. Three months ago, I heard them talking on the phone and learned about this. My wife promised to watch our daughter while she went to see her cheating partner. “Don’t worry,” she said, “I’ll tell Tom you’re helping me with a work project if he calls.”

I talked to her right away after the call. “It’s not a big deal, Mark,” she said to play it down. It’s been years since Melissa and Tom got along. She deserves some good things in life.

What I heard made no sense to me. “So you don’t mind lying to Tom?” What would you think if someone did this to you?” I asked.

Sarah laughed. “Mark, it’s not our job to judge. Melissa is my best friend, and I will always be there for her.

We argued about this over and over again. I would get very sick every time Sarah filled in for Melissa. When we saw Tom at social events, I couldn’t look him in the eye because I knew what was going on behind his back.

Things got worse last week. Tom was telling us about the romantic trip he was planning for their upcoming anniversary while we were at a neighborhood barbecue. He smiled and said, “Melissa’s been working so hard lately.” “I want to surprise her with something special.”

I got very angry when I saw Sarah and Melissa look at each other.
Later that night, I heard Sarah talking on the phone with Melissa again. They were making plans for another alibi for the next weekend, which was the same weekend that Tom was planning the surprise.

That was the last straw. I told Sarah right away, “This has to stop,” after she got off the phone. “If you don’t tell your cheating friend that you won’t cover for her anymore, I’m going to tell Tom everything.”

Sarah’s face turned white. She hissed, “You wouldn’t dare.” “That would destroy their marriage!”

“The affair is taking away their marriage,” I replied. “Tom deserves to know the truth.”

Sarah, with tears in her eyes, said, “If you do this, you’ll ruin my friendship with Melissa.” “How could I ever trust you again?”

I didn’t back down. “I don’t trust you when you lie to our friends all the time. I mean, you might be hiding your own affair!”

Sarah let out a gasp. “You liar! You can’t say I cheated! “I would never!”

“But you don’t mind if I help Melissa do it,” I replied. “Yes, Sarah, I’m serious. “Either you leave Melissa’s side of the story or I’ll tell Tom everything.”

Sarah stormed out of the room, and we haven’t talked much since. I caught her telling Melissa that I’m being “unreasonable” and “controlling.” She’s been ignoring me.

I’m not sure if I should go any further now. On the one hand, I think that not taking part in this lie is the right thing to do. But I’m also saying that if I do it, I’ll ruin several relationships.

Need some point of view. Was it wrong of me to give my wife this choice?”

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